Ajatuksia - Thomas Gordon

Ajattelin jo nuorena, että kukin saa elää kuten haluaa, kunhan ei omilla tekemisillään loukkaa muita ihmisiä ja luontoa. Ehkä siksi Thomas Gordonin ajatukset kolahtivatkin niin hyvin muutama vuosi sitten. Gordonin perusteesit ovat lähteneet vanhempien ja lasten suhteista, mutta laajentuneet koskemaan kaikkia ihmisten välistä vuorovaikutusta. Tiivistettynä on kyse tästä: 

You and I are in a relationship which I value and want to keep. We are also two separate persons with our own individual values and needs. So that we will better know and understand what each of us values and needs, let us always be open and honest in our communication.

When you are experiencing a problem in your life, I will try to listen with genuine acceptance and understanding in order to help you find your own solutions rather than imposing mine. And I want you to be a listener for me when I need to find solutions to my problems.

At those times when your behavior interferes with what I must do to get my own needs met, I will tell you openly and honestly how your behavior affects me, trusting that you respect my needs and feelings enough to try to change the behavior that is unacceptable to me. Also, whenever some behavior of mine is unacceptable to you, I hope you will tell me openly and honestly so I can try to change my behavior.

And when we experience conflicts in our relationship, let us agree to resolve each conflict without either of us resorting to the use of power to win at the expense of the other’s losing. I respect your needs, but I also must respect my own. So let us always strive to search for a solution that will be acceptable to both of us. Your needs will be met, and so will mine - neither will lose, both will win.

In this way, you can continue to develop as a person through satisfying your needs, and so can I. Thus, ours can be a healthy relationship in which both of us can strive to become what we are capable of being. And we can continue to relate to each other with mutual respect, love and peace.

Ihmisen näkeminen ja arvostaminen niin kuin hän on - tärkeää ja vaikeaa, mutta juuri siksi ja silti tavoittelemisen arvoista. Näin kukin meistä voi parhaiten toteuttaa omia unelmiaan ja omia lahjojaan. Aito kuuntelu ja omien tunteiden puolustaminen vaativat aikaa, rakastavaa suhtautumista itseen ja muuhun ympäristöön sekä hyväksymistä. Siinä on tekemistä joka päivälle.

-O-